He is one of most famous leaders on this planet, a man who overcame great odds to lead a nation from tyranny through a volatile, dangerous, time to democracy.
Much has been written that describes Mandela’s greatness as a leader. Often, this analysis refers to some rare and mysterious combination of charisma, character, and strategy that enabled him to bring people together, bridge differences, navigate treacherous social dynamics and, even transform hardened, hateful hearts away from violence and toward tolerance and cooperation. His capacity is regularly referred to as Mandela’s ‘magic.’
However, labels like greatness and ‘magic’ obscure Mandela’s enduring value to us as a mentor. He can guide us with inspiring lessons on ways to mobilize our power and face the difficult challenges of collaboration in our lives. These strategic lessons are neither the prerogative of a great leader nor are they secret. His words and his life example deliver extraordinarily clear lessons that have been field-tested in the harshest conditions.
Any leader or change agent can adapt his powerful strategies to help individuals and groups bridge seemingly irreconcilable differences and sustain practical collaboration within the organization, between groups and organizations, and in the community.
Always give and insist upon ‘no frills’ respect – the Power of Dignity
Mandela’s guidance “Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they could be.”
Genuine dialogue is the only path forward to meaningful collaboration and this will not happen in a climate of disrespect. It is often the case that individuals or groups with the greatest need to collaborate hit an immediate dead end because they veer into competitive debate and argument, accusation and blame-fixing, and the endless recycling of historic grievances.
He made a distinction between ‘having respect’ for someone (which must be earned) and treating another with ‘no frills’ respect (a universal, human right). He also forcefully insisted that others treat him with this basic level of respect. He had the willingness, courage, and self-control to retain dignified dominion over his emotions while talking to his bitterest enemies. ‘No frills’ respect is a necessary investment to bring everyone to the table where open conversations can surface and explore hidden possibilities.
Release yourself from the prison of the past – the Power of Forgiveness
Mandela’s guidance “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” and
“I destroy my enemies by making them my friends.”
Many collaborative efforts are stillborn due to an unwillingness to leave past grievances and focus on the present and future. It is a tragic mistake to think that forgiveness is about the other. It is about you. The growing science of the neurology of the heart shows that holding anger or resentment in the heart is physiologically unhealthy and it is a ‘non-success’ strategy because it continually focuses in the rear view mirror.
Mandela knew very well the monstrous magnitude of what his adversaries had done to him, his family, his close friends, and his followers. He also recognized that it was in his best interest, and in service of his bold vision, to focus on the present and the future, not the past. Forgiveness does not forget the past. It allows you to let go and move on.
In the next newsletter, I will describe two more ‘magic’ lessons for your work to build and sustain collaboration: the Power of Perspective and the Power of a Sustaining Vision.
_________________________________
Practice Tip #4
Working With the Heart: Letting Go/Forgiveness
Increase the power of your vision to pull you forward. An inspiring vision of what this collaboration could achieve needs to be bold enough (like Mandela’s vision) to motivate and inspire the effort that will be necessary. A strong vision is more than words. It includes images. You need to be able to ‘see’ elements of the desired future. If groups or individuals that don’t currently work together become able to do so, what are they doing, how does it feel, why is it making a difference (and to whom).
Once you know WHY it is worth the effort to build a collaboration with someone, then you are ready to look at any barriers that exist in your own heart. These need to be removed to make a sincere, whole-hearted effort to succeed.
1.Is there some grievance, past betrayal, or lingering resentment that needs to be cleared out of the way?
2. If so, can you let go and move on for your own sake?
3. Is letting go an ‘inside job’ changing without discussing it with them directly?
4. Or, do you need to speak about this with them to put something on the table, clear the air, or seek accountability?
5. Does accountability for the past really need to be addressed now or is it for another time and place?
6. Timing and setting are important. How, when, and with whom, should this conversation take place?
7. If you want the conversation to be different than previous conversations, how can you be different? (see Mandela’s words of wisdom below)
8. Offer unconditional, ‘no frills’ respect.
Develop your understanding of the road map. There are practical and inspirational resources online to guide you:
Words of Wisdom
“One of the things I learned when I was negotiating was that until I changed myself, I could not change others.”
“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” ~ Nelson Mandela
“I believe in a short statute of limitations on grudges.” ~ Abraham Lincoln
Free Webinar Resources
The four cornerstone practices are presented and explained in my four-part webinar series sponsored by the Center for Nonprofit Excellence. Each segment is 45 minutes, posted on YouTube, and available here.